513. birds of a feather

when i was growing up, the creed of folks who would segregate those who had the audacity to reject their place was, birds of a feather flock together.
i wouldn't think much about it except i overheard someone say it just the other day.
it is a tough observation of nature to argue otherwise.
but if you watch birds, you notice that there are a lot of different kinds, more like an infinity different kinds, which gets me wondering that some birds must be flocking somewhere with birds of a different feather.
and any self-respecting bird watcher worth his or her salt would tell you, thank god they do, or it would be a pretty sad state of affairs for their hobby.

so it might be best for folks who want to legitimize their prejudice and bigotry to steer clear of natural observations, since this all appears to be pretty much a human endeavor.

(my first post from 4/7/07) 1. the brain, check-in counter

i pulled out my first cranelegs pond post to see how i have grown as a blogger and humorist—to see how i have improved my craft, if you will.
(commentary to follow)

1. the brain, check-in counter

on my way out of the movie, "300", i stopped at the brain check-in counter to retrieve my mind.
i noticed i was the only man on line.
eventually, i handed my ticket to the check-in lady.
i said, number 26. it's the small one, light gray, smells like garlic.
when she handed me my brain she said, that'll be three dollars.
then she said, you know it's small enough that you really don't need to check it in sir, after all, you are, you know ... a guy.
i said, gee thanks for the tip.
and then i gave her an extra buck.

hmm ... oh well, maybe this improving one's craft notion is highly overrated.

(from the files) 302. anna nicole

[i wrote this shortly after anna nicole's death. it's not very funny. sad really.]

the police officer said, okay folks. break it up. go home. it's over. nothin' more to see. she's gone for good now.
an onlooker said, hmm, where can we go now?
larry king said, well we're headed over to brittany spears' house. you can follow us there.
the onlooker said, yeah i hear she's a real mess.

and off they scurried into the night.

506. first thing to come to mind

i thought, hey let me try to write about the first thing that comes to mind.
so i have emptied my skull of noise.
it is quiet.
here i go.
hold on'
here it comes.
it's ... it's ...

fungus cracks.

well, that was just a stellar idea. just stellar.

504. old hoggie and the lucky hockey puck

i come from a clan of giant football fans.
superstitious is our middle name.
and we are pulling out all the stops tonight.
new england hasn't a chance.
it's time to place my lucky hockey puck in the mouth of my brothers mounted ten pound bass, named appropriately, old hoggie.
the last and only time this was done, the rangers beat vancouver in game seven to win the stanley cup.
and it hasn't been used since.
the last opportunity was that super bowl when the giants lost to the ravens.
i couldn't find the puck, hence the loss.
but it has been located since.
and now it is time.
good riddance patriots and all your winning ways!

503. bean soup

i don't have bean soup much.
but when i have it, i love it.
that is until i'm reminded why i don't have it much.
you know, with all the dead people and pets in my wake and all.

501. benny has a way of explainin' things

so i said, hey benny, it's been a while, how you've been.
benny said, as content as a tick in a blood bank.

he always says stuff like that.
he has a million of those little gems.
that's what makes him benny.
and when he blurts one out, i have to laugh.
cause they tickle me for some reason.
i mean they're so lame.
a tick in a blood bank.
that's pretty lame.