me: Rizzo? You there?
Rizzo: Yeah, I'm under your car. Give me a sec.
me: Sure thing.
me: Hey, is that the Pulaski Skyway above us?
Rizzo: Yeah, I do a lotta business down here. It's remote but noisy. Nothin' but trucks and marshes. Hard spot to wire & nice place to dump a body or two, if you know what I mean.
me: There you are. Looks like your hat got a little creased and your trench coat is a mess.
Rizzo: Yeah, I hate the undercarriage of these Honda Accords. Tighter than a clams ass.
me: Ya mean you were under there the whole time?
Rizzo: Yeah, I hitched a ride incognito ya might say. A rat cant be too careful these days.
me: Man you are some sort of rodent.
Rizzo: Look, ya done with the small talk? I've got things to do.
me: Sure. So tell me about this Mars Rat.
Rizzo: Mars Rat! Makes me laugh. Have ya taken a close look at that picture?
Rizzo: Notice anything odd?
me: No, just that I think I recognize the rat.
Rizzo: No dumb f&*k. I'm talking about what's not in the picture.
me: Martians. There are no Martians.
Rizzo: Holy shit kid you're stupid. Of course there aren't no Martians because there ain't no Martians.
me: Rat traps? There aren't any rat traps.
Rizzo: Holy f*&k. You're thicker than tar in winter.
me: What is it then?
Rizzo: Where's the cheese? It's not the moon. It's Mars. There is no cheese on Mars. Just rocky shit and the occasional, unexplainable canal.
me: Holy smokes ... yeah. It's not the moon. There's no cheese.
Rizzo: And ya know what they say: "Where there's no cheese, there's no smoke".
me: I think that's "where there's smoke, there's fire." See? Smoke. Fire.
Rizzo: Ya know what I see, a goddam dumb use of two perfectly good legs. That's what I see.
Rizzo: Hey! Who's there!
(pause; noises; scampering)
me: Rizzo! Where are you?
me: Ya can't leave! I don't know what to do?
voice (faded): Follow the cheese!
me: Follow the cheese?
voice: Follow the cheese!
me: What cheese? There is no cheese!
voice: EXACTLY dumbshit!
(rapid little steps)
me: Okay Rizzo!
me: I gotta get outta here. This place give me the creeps.
(snapping, clicking sound)
me: what the fah...