"if it's good news, it must be someone else's"

Friday, February 11, 2011

the donald is back

what's the difference between donald trump and a recurring hemorrhoid?
they're both a pain in the ass but one comes with bad hair.

donald trump teased cpac, a particularly scared group of white folk, with promises of tossing that thing on top of his skull in the 2012 presidential ring.
ever the self-promoter, he wowed the fearful with his wild brand of tough talk.

the reason he is considering running, besides the unmentionable limelight, is that america is not respected in the world and he, as a business man, is sick of hearing about it from his suppliers in india and china.
these ceo types always confuse respect with fear.
i had plenty of bosses and executives i feared and plenty i respected.
and never were they the same people.
so let's be clear, donald wants people to fear us.
well i do agree if that's what we want then a good start would be to elect him as president.

later on, when his reading was interrupted by an exuberant ron paul fan, he flippantly replied that ron paul had zero chance of winning the election.
again, that might be true, but that's pretty funny coming from the one guy ron paul can beat.

back on track, he spun his education by claiming he owes his running-the-country smarts to attending military school and the wharton school of business.
it is true he attended both, but don't think for a second he meant west point and an mba.
rather think high school (because he was acting up and needed the firm hand of regimen), two years at fordham, and few at wharton, obtaining a bachelor's in economics for all his trouble.

finally, like reading bullet points from a presentation, he crisply declared to be pro-life and pro-guns.
with a straight face.
now i don't know about you, but i haven't met a gun yet that procreates.
if anything, they are population thinners sure as shootin'.
i have never understood how anyone can coherently claim those two thoughts in the same breath.
and when you throw god into the mix, which he did not do thank god, well, my head might just explode, which isn't very pro-life but plenty pro-gun.

finally, he proclaimed that if he were president, all he would need is a good admiral with a few ships and he'd get rid of pirates forever.
cheers of the fearful erupted!
and i thought, this, more than anything else, is what makes donald just like all the others.
an honored graduate of a military school in 1964 when the vietnam war was in full swing and he opted for a college deferment and a job with daddy trump.
he chose not to serve.
and now he has no problem talking tough at the expense of others lives.
just like all the other big talkin' conservative chicken hawks.

donald was on msnbc this morning already basking in the attention.
it's what he does.
and he went on and on about how he speaks the truth, which is his way of saying he parses the truth and then speaks it.

well the non-parsed truth is that the donald has never really known what it's like not to have money.
he has been fed by the proverbial silver spoon.
and to his credit he has worked hard wheeling and dealing that silver spoon into an egocentric collection of buildings, hotels, golf courses and yes, beauty pageants.
i get that.
it has been hard work, which he apparently loves.
but he knows nothing else.
so when he gets all blustery and full of himself and announces he'll eliminate obama care and replace it, he says it from a position of priveleged ignorance.
and replace it with what?
lower taxes for himself and higher tariffs for his competition?

the non-parsed truth is he is a joke and a boor with little to offer a world in the throes of the shitter.

oh listen to me.
i sure can go on and on when i get a little fired up.
well enough said.
time to invest in a boatload of preparation h and scissors.


itsmecissy said...

I would never vote for anyone with such insincere hair.

lightly said...

itsmecissy you fired

I assume this is all wind because he needs to make a new season of his crappy program and what better way to drum up business.

Randy Johnson said...

That was some Special Comment there Bobby. Thank you for calming my Olbermann withdrawals. You’re like a Keith Patch.

Pam said...

Of course The Donald is pro-guns! How do you think he got that hair piece? He shot it!

All kidding aside ;-), I rather like Donald. He's done a lot for the divorce lawyers.