(excerpt from bob's interview on oprah) oprah probes bob about blogging

(note: the following is from the official transcript of bob's interview on the oprah winfrey show, which is scheduled to air on tuesday, august 6, 2013. unfortunately, she plans to end her show in september of 2011.)


oprah: so i want to get to blogging since that is how i came across your work.
bob: sounds good opes, i think we pretty much beat my sex life to death anyway.
oprah (fanning herself): uh hah ... i've got myself a good case of the vapors honey child. so it's time to cool this girl down.
(audience laughs)
bob: so what would you like to know?
oprah: whatever got you started in blogging?
bob: whatever got me started? i actually don't know to tell ya the truth. maybe it's the old mount everest deal, "because it's there".
oprah: well writing was there and you chose not to do that the old fashion way.
bob: well the truth is, in the beginning i did start by writing the old fashion way.
oprah: really? what happened?
bob: pretty much nothing.
oprah: well, what did you write?
bob: a collection of short stories about growing up in the sixties.
oprah: i see.
bob: unfortunately, no one else did.
oprah: sorry to hear that. so what did you do?
bob: well, i got the idea to build a cheapo website and use my internet skills to get the stories out there.
oprah: what was the websites name?
bob: cranelegs pond.
oprah: interesting.
bob: no it's not.
oprah: don't take that literally, it's just what i say when i need to keep the dialogue moving.
bob: interesting.
oprah: exactly.
(audience laughs)
oprah: so you tried writing short stories and that didn't work. a boring life huh? so how did you go from that to those short, lower-case, weird wordy things you do now?
bob: brian andreas.
oprah: who?
bob: brian andreas. he writes the shortest stories i know. two or three sentences max. and they are almost always memorable.
oprah: i've never heard of him.
bob: look him up. he's good. anyway, i started writing short pieces and i put them on the website. next thing i knew, people started visiting. don't have a clue as to why. maybe it was the pictures of breasts.
(audience laughs)
oprah: breasts?
bob: don't take that literally opes. i say that to get attention.
oprah: breasts.
bob: exactly.
oprah: okay ... but it's still a website. when did you go to a blog?
bob: boy you're probing.
oprah: yes. yes, i am.
(audience applauds)
oprah: soooo ... when?
bob: another writer, whose book i was editing at the time, had started a blog and was creating quite a buzz. when i finally got around to looking at her blog, it hit me that it was the perfect format, given my style and all, and the short attention span people have. so one thing led to another and bam! three years ago, i launched cranelegs pond. well, launch is a little hollywood. it was more like a burp. a baby's spit-up really. i spit-up cranelegs pond. yeah. that's what i did.
(audience politely laughs)
oprah: and now you have a three year old that's walking and talking and potty trained.
(audience laughs)
bob: well, i don't know about that shit.
oprah: okay, obviously not potty trained.
(audience roars)
bob: for sure.
oprah: well i just have to tell you, i love your work.
bob: really?
oprah: no. not at all. actually you're annoying.
bob: sorry. it's just that—
oprah: it's just that you keep complaining about not being called onto my show. you're bringing me down. god! you're draining.
bob: i didn't think—
oprah: you didn't think? no kidding!
bob: well, this isn't the witty exchange i was anticipating.
oprah (to the audience): when we come back, bob will tell us why he haunts me.