"if it's good news, it must be someone else's"

Sunday, August 8, 2010

(from the files) 638. i'm not winning any trophies

boy, i sure do seem to have a lot to say about other people.
most of it no good.
maybe i should calm my bad self down.
after all, it's not like i'm winning any trophies.
i mean, i wonder what people like kevin trudeau, jim cantore, and ann coulter might conclude about me if all they knew of me had been from this blog.

if i'm honest with myself, two conclusions would certainly be: 1) i am verb tense challenged, and 2) i have some sort of lower case disorder—two big no-nos for a wannabe writer.
also, some readers might conclude i envy others good fortune (even if they do really deserve it).
that i'm all about sour grapes.
i suppose they'd have a point, even though they're probably losers.

ah, this feels good, being honest with myself and all.
kind of refreshing.

Hey, you know who's a jerk?
that idiot Tony robbins fellow with the big jaw and big positive thinking already.

look at that.

right verb tense and improvements on capitalization.
things are turning around.

i'm self actualizing right before me eyes.


Pam said...

Are you going through male menopause, Robert? You're kinda grumpy...loveable...but grumpy.

lightly said...

" i'm not winning any trophies"
well no shit sherlock, you not exactly winning any friends either.

Robert Crane said...

this, from my posse no less. i'm doomed for sure.

Randy Johnson said...


“Knock, knock, knock…”

(Ten seconds elapse) “Knock, knock, knock…”

(Door-knob turns. Door opens slowly) “Creeeeek”

Delivery driver standing on porch says: “Mr. Crane?”

Crane, standing in entry answers: “Yes?”

“I have a delivery for you sir …please sign here.”

(Crane signs digital clipboard)

(Delivery driver points to stack of boxes) “Where do you want these?”

(Crane points to corner of entry-way) “Over there would be fine”

(Second delivery driver enters scene, carrying more boxes.)

Crane asks: “What’s in all the boxes?”

“Trophies sir.”

(Keaton pulls into driveway)


“Yes sir”

“...For me?”

“Yes sir.”

“Well it’s about damn time!”

(Crane gestures to second driver) “Stack them all up over there”

(Crane, mentally arranging trophies on mantelpiece, admires six foot pile of boxes as delivery drivers exit.)

(Keaton enters.)

“Keaton, Keaton, look at what just arrived for me!”

“Oh, the trophies..”

“What? How did you know?”

“I told you last week, we volunteered to buy trophies for the local youth baseball league.”


“Yes. Don’t you remember Bob? You said it’s important for kids to win a trophy once in awhile. You said it helps their self esteem.”



(later that evening)

Keaton enters bedroom and says: “Bob, What’s this?”

“uh, er, ..It’s a…”

“I can see what it is Bob! It’s a kid’s trophy. Except a pen is glued to where the bat used to be, and you wote ‘WRITER’ on a piece of masking tape and stuck it over the word 'PLAYER' …jeeze Bob, when will you….”

“Uhmm …Can I have it back? I mean come on …there must be some extras in all those boxes.”

Robert Crane said...

i can't believe she told you about that!

"the moon ... keaton!"

itsmecissy said...

If Ann Coulter ever shows up here, I'm gone!

Annie "the oakley" Coulter said...

bah bye ya little sheep teat suckin' socialist!