"if it's good news, it must be someone else's"

Friday, July 16, 2010

that sort of loose screw

do you have a neighbor who seems pretty well bolted down in all ways until you become accidentally privy to a loose screw?
you know, they do the neighborly things like leave bags of tomatoes from their garden at your front door.
or bring mail over that was mistakenly delivered to them.
or engage in pleasant stop and chats about the weather when paths cross as the result of daily comings and goings.
all that normal, friendly carrying on.

the kind of stuff that builds community and good faith until ...

every thursday at 2:30 pm, when she sings opera from the not so privacy of her garage, except it's no opera i ever heard, with the words all changed to tell ribald tales of wild sex, in which man parts are manhandled while in the angry bondage grip of a woman scorned, accenting each verb of titillating torture with the rhythmic snap of a well launched bullwhip.
the kind of shenanigans that lead me to accidentally hide in a thicket of thorns and bees for hours on end around the same time.
afraid to move.
afraid to breathe.
afraid to miss a note she sings from her mesmerizing aria of carnal exploits from an imagination gone deeply and completely perverse.

you know, that sort of loose screw.
do ya?


Pam said...

What kind of neighbors do you have?! Thicket of thorns and bees?!

Unless you were trimming the rose bushes or gathering honey, you need to stay out of the thicket.

You may also suggest to your neighbor, if you dare to go near her, to shut her garage door.

BigGiantHat said...

I think we need a recording!



itsmecissy said...

Me thinks you enjoy the "loose screw" singing neighbor a little too much.

Robert Crane said...

pam - the door is shut already. and the truth is i'm not sure where she's carrying on. and then there is the whole issue about where her husband is all this time, suspended and blindfolded is my best guess.

giant - great idea. this could be bob's big viral moment, finally breaking the impassse between opes and me. might be worth the lawsuit.

cissy - let's just say my intrigue is zesty.

Scratch the hostile fay said...

I can kind of sympathize. My landlady (who lives 500 feet from us) never closes the blinds at their house. You have to drive by to get to the trailer we stay in.

open window+garden tub= DON'T LOOK IN THE WINDOW YOU MAY BE BLINDED.



Robert Crane said...

hey thanks scratch for sharing. and you just have to look, don't ya. even if blindness is a possible outcome. just like deafness for me.

Laurie said...

I like the idea that a nice, level guy can enjoy a little vicarious perversion every now and again, even if he does have to hide in thicket to get away with it.

Robert Crane said...

and laurie, exactly who is the "nice, level guy" to whom you are referring, because i'm looking around the pond here and i don't see nary a one. certainly not moi. oh, maybe that randy fella but between you and me, i think he's, nothin for nothin, a little out there, along with that lightly character.

(okay boys just kiddin'.)

and yes laurie, you are correctamundo. it is refreshing to be a little naughty boy occasionally.

Laurie said...

Well, at least I got a reaction. : )

itsmecissy said...

"little naughty boy?" I think he's called peeping Tom.

Robert Crane said...

i swear i'm not a peeping tom as much as i am a eavesdropping elvis.

capiche moi fave!