mom: so i went to that amazon jungle website like you said. the next thing i know, i have this shopping cart full of stuff i didn't buy. so i tried to leave but they stopped me.
me: what do you mean they stopped you?
mom: just like i said! i got this nasty message telling me to drop my mouse and put up my hands, because i'm being detained for online shoplifting. now what will i tell that nosey audrey bottoms next door when the rumors begin to fly?
me: what do you care? you're in a retirement village. they'll be asleep or dead before you finish explaining this to them.