"if it's good news, it must be someone else's"

Thursday, July 29, 2010

talent acquisition department

okay, as many of you know, i'm in job search mode.
so i'm a very busy, humbled and humiliated person these days trying to land that next great post-fifties career the aarp keeps insisting is out there for me.

well, i'm going to withhold details except to say i recently was informed through an email from one very prominent retailer that my resume has been sent along to—now get this—the talent acquisition department.
i thought, say what?
so i read the email again.
yup, it's right there ... "the talent acquisition department".
and i thought some more—well i do play guitar, and i can juggle three balls for about 6 seconds. but what does that have to do with being a bouncer at victoria's secret.

just like the deep cleaning required to remove the tartar under my gums, this was going to take some deep thinking, and maybe just as painful.
so up to my beloved cranelegs pond i went and collapsed into my wanna-be lawn chair for much needed reflection.

now when i reflect on such matters, i usually fall asleep from getting all tired but this time, the reflecting was painless and it all came to me pretty darn quick.
i'd even say before the third mosquito bite, which in pond time is usually no more than thirty seconds.
i suppose i could attribute all the cranium focus to this veggie diet keaton has me on, but i'm never gonna tell her that.
not in a hundred years.
anyway, it occurred to me this is just a new name for what usually passed as the personnel department, that is before it was gobbled up by something called human resources.
now that is sure some fancy talk, "talent acquisition".
wonder how much it cost to have consultants come up with that gem?
"talent acquisition", hmmm, kinda makes me think i'm being considered for a spot on the ed sullivan show—or something similar since old ed there has been dead for quite some time.

i concluded that as soon as i got back to the house, i would change the family phone greeting to include me juggling while saying "leave a message at the beep", ya know, just in case they called while i was out and about.
so i did, even though juggling and talking at the same time is a far cry from chewing gum and talking at the same time.
but i got it done, eventually.
immediately following, i took a much needed nap, because when i execute ideas like that, i'm pretty much drained for one day.

besides, on the off chance a talent acquisitionist called me while i was busy regenerating my thinking talents, they'd get treated to a dazzling, unexpected performance for sure, pretty much guaranteeing that their particular victoria's secret would have the only guitar playin'. 6-second-three-ball jugglin' bouncer in the land—"hey man! you do not want me to place my guitar and balls down and come over there! no fondling the mannequins!"

1 comment:

Pam said...

The Skill Procurement Department, in charge of natural gifts, would have to do some serious rethinking if you dropped your balls.