"if it's good news, it must be someone else's"

Monday, July 21, 2008

(from the files) 115. the brilliant rejection dating maneuver

my first phone call for a date went about as bad as my wildest fears could conjour.
actually, it went beyond my wildest fears—more like beyondest times infinity.
before i could say “the last picture show”, she interrupted me with a stone cold “no” and dial tone.
but i was a runaway train.
i continued on, reading my sweat stained script to its natural conclusion, while the phone buzzed in my ear.
immediately following, i began to twitch until it reached an involuntary thrashing, almost a convulsion of sorts.

but alas, from our grandest trials come our greatest ideas.
as a result, i developed the brilliant rejection dating maneuver.
it is very simple and it goes something like this: before one makes that first phone call, one does a little homework. one finds out a day and time the target can not make the date. then one calls for a date on that day and time.

knowing that “no” is the only possible outcome does wonders for the confidence of ordinary men.
if the target has interest, she will surely let you know by becoming awashed in disappoint.
if she doesn’t, she’ll gladly explain the conflict and that will be that—no harm done.

the idea is to embrace rejection.
invite it over for dinner.
make it a part of your family.
i did, and now rejection and i are life long friends.


jadedconformist said...

haha. Have you tried this?

bob said...

oh yeah! and it was brilliant! even managed a few dates, and never any hurt feelings.

passed it along to my son. his friends think i'm king.

it's a beautiful thing!