keaton asked, do i look fat?
i snapped back, no, you look perfect.
she said, i don’t know these jeans feel too tight.
without blinking an eye i said, no, they fit perfectly.
she asked, do you still love me even though i’ve put on a few pounds?
i said emphatically, i certainly would if that were the case, but i was thinking you actually lost a few pounds.
then she said, well even so i think i am going on a diet.
i said, if that’s what you want to do, but personally i think you need to eat a little more.
she smiled, and left the room.
and i had executed the perfect cranelegs defense to a tricky am-i-fat opening in the chess game of communication between mars and venus.