this i have to read—the justin bieber story—all 30 seconds of it.
first though, let's be real honest—justin isn't writing a thing.
he's 16 for chrissakes.
when i was sixteen, i could barely write a sentence without using "and" about 103 times.
in fact, if i recall correctly, i was diagramming sentences that other people wrote because i certainly couldn't write them.
now, i'm probably going out on a limb here for sure, but when does justin have time to learn what the past tense is (or was?), which is exactly what he's going to have to master in order to write a memoir.
the truth is he is telling his memoir to someone who will write it down for him and try to make sentences out of all the "so like"s, "it's like"s and "um like"s.
second, what could we possibly learn about this crooning clump of hair with dancin' legs?
even if he did master the past tense, he'd need a past in order to use it.
it's what makes the memoir so memoirish.
did i mention he's only sixteen for god's sake—this latest creation by our beloved showbiz biz?
he's just getting to all the drugs and sexcapades and the falling from grace that a good memoir make.
it's like some kind of premature memoirlation, minus the messy clean-up.
i'm just sayin, that's all.
well, i guess to his credit he beat the american idol system.
gee, that's worth a page.
can't forget that ellen degeneres claims to love him, which is a lot of hoodwinking to tell ya the truth, given her lesbian lifestyle and all.
maybe he's gonna reveal they made out or something sizzling like that—a gay cougar gone straight sort of affair.
that would be an interesting page.
but that's about the extent of it, although i suspect there will be a lot about mom.
so what we really have here is a 2 page momoir at best.
hope there are lots of pictures to kind of fill it in a bit.
having said all that, i smell opportunity and it smells like teen dearest.
i'm assuming he is hunting for a ghost writer.
my dearest mr. bieber, allow me to introduce myself.
a sample of how i might treat your compelling story for your perusal, if i may:
"i was so like born, and it's like i became a mega star without the help of american idol, and miss ellen and i um like made out in her green room, which was really a yucky blue color. i was so like a wild transformer, and she was so like a barbie doll in like this really pretty brown pants number. in the meantime, i like grew great hair, which i so couldn't have done without mom."
like the end!