"if it's good news, it must be someone else's"

Thursday, July 1, 2010

the nexus of bob's humor universe

look in the eastern sky, oh, i'd say about 12:43 PM today.
you might just see gray smoke billowing into the stratosphere.
it will be associated with my head exploding.

here's why ...

let's just say my two comedic idols, woody allen and larry david, will be filming a curb your enthusiasm episode right outside my brother's restaurant.
that makes it the nexus of bob's humor universe.
well, as close as one can get to a comedic nexus without carrot top that is.
i figure 12:43 PM will be about the time i will make my move and offer woody and larry copies of my tv sitcom script, the tip, at which time there will be a seismic shift in the universe of funny.

now i'm still working on exactly how this transaction will "go down" (that's show biz insider talk for "occur").
the trick is no matter how it's done, it will have to be carried out with great cunning, which as you might imagine is the part i'm having the most trouble with.
currently, the plan is to impersonate my brother and come out of the restaurant to offer them irresistible white bean raviolis served discreetly with a side of delicious tv script.
i'm working out the details, most notably my brother's rather stiff resistance to the whole scheme—some incoherence about reputation and customers.
but i will be there, and i'm going to open up a big old can of something my brother!
you can bet on that my brother!
(geez, all of a sudden i slipped into my hulk hogan impersonation; that's a little odd.)
and standing shoulder to top of head with me will be my son, who will be playing hooky from work no less.
i have taught him well.

and be assured, i will make a scene.
and be assured, my head will explode in the climax of a cunning job done well.
and be assured, smoke will once again rise from the isle of manhattan.
but do not fear, for this time it will be happy smoke, the sort that announces a new pope.
like the new pope of greenwich village, which is where i'll just happen to be and where i will just happen to be anointed, exploded head and all.

oh my, i so need to get a grip.
this is just too much for me to handle.
i need to calm my ample buttocks down.

f it!
let the comic tinkle drops commence!


itsmecissy said...

I think it's a great plan! Hope I can see the smoke from the Left Coast. Mmmmmm, white bean raviolis (and I haven't even had breakfast yet!)

itsmecissy said...

I think I saw the smoke bob!

Pam said...

I think you should focus on trying out for a part sans the Hulk Hogan impersonation. Be direct. Just ask if you can try out for a part in the next production of whatever strikes your fancy.

Oh ye-ah...those white bean ravolis sound mighty fine.