"if it's good news, it must be someone else's"

Thursday, July 23, 2009

928. andy talks about his dating theories

i asked, hey andy, are you dating anyone these days?
he said, no, not really.
i asked, well how does that work nowadays anyway?
he said, first off, you have to work a few angles see. a little of this and a little of that.
i thought, why does he always talk in code?
i asked, what are you saying? explain.
he said, i'm always setting the scene with a few women of the opposite sex. doing the ground work.
i asked, what ground work?
andy said, it's the eyes. i make eye contact. ya don't have to say a thing. then ya come back a day or two later and see if they are looking at you.
i asked, ya mean like at a bar or something? but what if they're not there when you check back in on your ground work.
he said, no, not bars. i hunt at supremarkets, the food baggers specifically, an untapped, furtive resource my friend.
i said, wow. food baggers.
he said, yeah, they're pretty cool. and they're always right there for check in and check out.
i said, so no eharmony dot com for you?
he said, that's for dead people who can still dance.
i said, what?
he said, you heard me. besides, this food bagging idea is working just fine. it's not taxing on the system and the women are pretty appreciative. it's a nice little dating niche i've carved my way into.
i said, not that i'm interested in dating because i'm with keaton and all, but if i were interested, i'd be the dead dancer kind.
then andy said, yeah, that's what i had you pegged as. a dead astair sort.
then i said, there's nothin wrong with dead astair, besides you're not going to find any ginger rogers bagging food anytime soon.
so andy said, dude, do you know what she probably looks like by now? you can have her.

then i thought, and this from someone i call a friend.

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