894. starbucks thoughts

it never fails at starbucks.
i get starbuck thoughts—

uh oh, what's she doing?
she's going to the restroom and leaving her handbag and everything unguarded.
i could touch it without moving an inch.
she's gonna realize what she's done and suspect i took something because of my rather celebrated childhood life of crime.
damn!
what do i do now?
is there no rest for the reformed?
look innocent!
look innocent!
i know!
i'll feverishly type away on my laptop.
no, that's what someone would do if they stole something.
i've got it.
i'll keep the same pose i had when she got up.
what was i doing?
staring off in a tall, no fat, decaf latte stupor.
no wait, i was messing around with my cell phone.
geez, i don't know what i was doing.
oh no!
here she comes.
that was quick.
she probably rushed to get back in hopes of catching me.
sorry to disappoint missy!
okay, calm down.
look at her and smile.
no!
don't look at her.
drink some latte.
hmm ... what's she doing?
need to use my peripheral vision skills.
well that beats all get out!
she's just reading the book like she was before.
she didn't even touch her handbag.

you know, those kind of starbucks thoughts.