"if it's good news, it must be someone else's"

Sunday, May 9, 2010

(from the files) 860. the ma-light zone

ma called me just an hour ago.

me: hello?
ma: look i know it's getting close to mothers day so i just want to let you know what i want.
me: hi ma. let me guess. another signed copy of my blook?
ma: no. i already have more than i know what to do with. and when are you going to put a price on them. i'm telling you, they need a price. if people don't see a price, they think there is some funny business going on and funny business doesn't sell well these days.
me: i'll give it some thought but you called about mothers day.
ma: yeah. i want rocks!
me: rocks?
ma: yeah. rocks!
me: alright. rocks. any particular make of model?
ma: don't be a wise guy mr. big author!
me: i'm just asking. any particular kind of rocks?
ma: i need some the size of pumpernickle, and others sort of flat and brick like. they are for my garden.
me: the size of pumpernickle?
ma: yeah. you know a loaf of bread.
me: have you fallen recently. you know, bumped the head?
ma: not that i can remember.
me: hmm ... is dad around? you haven't killed him have you?
ma: no, he's downstairs cleaning his golf shoes. everything is fine. i just want rocks.
me: you want a card with those rocks?
ma: i'll leave that up to you, but it would be nice, but none of those with the sound. they're okay for birthdays but not mothers day.
me: alright rocks and a silent card it is. i may need you to tell keaton because she is going to think this is my idea because of the unemployment thing and having to cut corners.
ma: well, it would be better if you found a job but i'll talk to her if necessary.
me: okay. thanks. anything else?
ma: no. that should do it honey.
me: okay then, take care ma.
ma: bye bye.
me: bye ma.

and once again, i found myself somewhere in between the real and unreal.
i was suddenly in the ma-light zone.

No comments: