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Friday, July 15, 2011

about my two traffic tickets

by age 21 i had collected the two traffic tickets in my life.i need to talk about them because they still bother me.
ticket one came from speeding on the ny thruway in my red 1968 opel cadet station wagon.
if you know the car, that statement is an oxymoron.
in fact i'm pretty certain that if you look up oxymoron in the dictionary, there is a picture of a speeding 1968 cadet wagon.
oxymoron
sort of like that one in the picture, except my beloved opel was redder, and without the elephants and desert, nor the shenigans going on inside the cabin.

so then, how did i accomplish this seemingly impossible feat?
they got me coming down a steep hill in the catskill mountain region going 71 in a 60 zone, 70 being the required downhill speed of an opel to climb the next hill before the week was out.
that's how!
and i suppose my wild, shoulder length hair didn't help much in the whole matter.

but that isn't the ticket that has me steamed.

it is ticket number two.
i was going through a green light on the heels of the slow driver in front of me.
she looked to be nine hundred years old based on the amount of blue in her hair and the spotted, knuckled phalanges that clutched the steering wheel in a virtual death grip.
i entered the intersection on green, only to witness an entire amber episode waltz before my eyes, exiting the intersection in deep red.
that kind of slow driver.
i smiled to the cop in the squad car facing me on the opposite side, as i motioned to the slow vehicle in my way.
he was having none of it.
and after he pulled me over in front of an emptying grammar school for all the school children to see, he didn't much like my story or my looks.
probably the bandanna was too much for him.
so, yada yada yada ... a ticket for snailing through a green light.
and to this day, the moment i see amber i slam on the brakes.
doesn't matter where.
even watching tv.
i just did it during the chase scene in the dark knight, nearly kicking over the coffee table.
all because of that dumb ticket from 1972 when i was young, restless and bandanna'd!

5 comments:

Pamela Beers. said...

Ya gotta watch out for those NY State Troopers, Bobby. They hang out at the top of hills to ticket unsuspecting motorists from out of state.

If it'll make you feel any better, all those speeding tickets pay for
school books in our educational system. So your fine went to a good cause.

Pamela Beers. said...

BTW: Randy's back from his family reunion.

Randy Johnson said...

I really love this post Bob. I used to have a long list of similar grievances including unfair traffic tickets, repair shop rip-offs, unpaid debts, etc. I even chased down a store robber once and returned a wad of cash that looked like about a month’s salary, and didn’t even get a thank-you from the store (the world famous B&I in Tacoma …don’t shop there!) That one topped my “things that bothered me list" for the better part of the 1980’s. Anyway, the point is that one day I just let it all go. I felt lighter, happier, and at peace with the world.

...and then I read your post. Now I feel like bustin’ the windows out of the B&I store, and spray-painting some customer comments on that Subaru repair shop, and then… God help the couple who bought my old Pontiac with an I.O.U. and a hand shake. Thanks Bob. I feel young again. I know it’ll pass by morning, but I’ll enjoy it till then. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a rampage of revenge to plan.

Laurie said...

Nice car ; )

Robert Crane said...

it's a beaut, heh?