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Tuesday, March 31, 2009

831. space invaders and penny slot machines

it was the annual pilgrimage to atlantic city this past saturday.
bob, bobbie, bob and son packed into a honda accord, wild with anticipation of great jackpots.
the three bobs are all penny slot machine junkies.
son, a statistical nut job on texas hold'em and seven card stud.

now if you are any kind of penny slot player, you know the tune you can't hear enough.
it's that popcorny ditty that plays repeatedly when your 40 penny bet hits for something big, like $7.35.
i love it.
i sing along while it plays background to the machine adding every individual penny to my total.
oh baby!
and when i hit for over ten dollars, i invite others to join in.
and soon there is merriment and wild dancing as the popcorn ditty plays on and on while the pennies are tallied.

next to a six pack of white castle hamburgers, it is truly one of the great joys in my life.

which leads me to those so called "humans" sitting on either side of me who bet 20 pennies on five thousand lines, hit for huge winnings, and then do something i never understand.
they whack a button to skip the jackpot jingle festivities.
it's as if they can't press the "max bet" feature for their next spin soon enough.

now don't get me wrong.
as much as i love to hear that song on my slot machine, i equally disdain it when played on the machines next to me, which is almost always the case.
so i appreciate their neighborliness.
but i still don't get it.
where is the carrying on?
the merriment?
the dancing?
and that human hooting and hollering?
it just isn't normal i tell ya.
and i think i know why.

because they're not from this great planet of ours.
they are aliens from outer space doing a rather terrible job of blending into the general population.
could it be they just don't want to draw attention to their cheatin', payout-controlin' ways.
saucering in here from god knows where for some easy pickin's.
always winning at the expense of lowly earthlings like me.
then leaving for places unknown to spend our dollars in other galactic places.

and we wonder why our economy is in a shambles.

why, i even bet they hold their forks wrong too.
damn solar system shysters.
where's the outrage i ask you?
where is it?!?
(okay, so i didn't fare so well. that has nothing to do with this theory of mine.)


lightly said...

well as a dedicated gambler myself (I throw $20 away every 3 or 4 months) , i like the penny slot machines. you don't actually win anything but you can spend an hour doing it. well after that its time to go home and watch tv.
I won $40 once, went home grabbed the kids and we blew it all on junk food and videos.

bob said...


did you hear that jingle i'm talking about, with the video of coins popping about like popcorn?

i love that tune. it's almost as heart felt as barber's addagio for strings.

i'm jerking a tear just thinking about it.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for following the slots instead of the stud, Bob. I would have missed the music. There's no jingle at the Texas Hold 'Em table. (Sorry about the capitals. They help me keep my place.)

Pam said...

Playing the horses is much more profitable. I always make enough on the ponies to buy myself one of those large, hot salted pretzels and a tall, cold lemonade.

Then I go home with a suntan, satisfied in knowing I just contributed to the New York State Thoroughbred Racing Association with part of the proceeds going to NY state politicians. You know, those folks in Albany who are full of horse pucky.