"if it's good news, it must be someone else's"

Thursday, September 30, 2010

snooki, simon and shyster publishing, and some left over thoughts

i have had plenty of time to think this morning, and i'm pretty much thought out.
i can tell because it's 10:49 in the morning and i'm already thinking about dinner.
and while that can be a fun endeavor, it pretty much signals the end of my creative juices for one day.
besides, it hard to be creatively juicy when i just received word simon and shyster publishers has signed snooki to a book deal to write (that's funny) a romance novel (that's downright insulting to the genre).

but hey, what do i know?

i reference a quote from last year by simon and shyster ceo, carolyn reidy, that puts a spotlight on her company's challenge: "we must do everything in our power to uphold the value of our content against the downward pressures exerted by the marketplace ...".
that "downward pressure" is in reference to the creepy, lowly digital book world, the dark underbelly of the noble publishing business.

golly carolyn, i can't imagine why those dastardly e-books are growing at such an alarming rate—not when big publishers like you are hell bent on providing the freshest, sharpest authors of our time, like snooki, justin bieber, meghan mccain, and future catch, levi johnston—just to name a few.
i mean, i understand your terrible conundrum, what with the limited resources available for publishing hardcover books already.
believe you me, it's soothing to know you are diligent and unwavering in your selection of what constitutes "the best and brightest".

heavens to betsy, why with the brilliant talent you've uncovered, it's no wonder that the slouches i've come to know, the likes of randy johnson, buffy holt, david b.dale and many others referenced in this amateur-time blog, must wait in the wings, like the bench warming fools they obviously are, hoping beyond hope for an act of goddess oprah to get them in the publishing game.

i get it!
yeah, it's no goddam wonder all right—it's no goddam wonder the e-book market hasn't carpet bombed your hardcover ass centless.

well, if that doesn't beat all get out?
i guess i had a thought or two left after all, one of which is, it's a pizza night sure as shootin'.


itsmecissy said...

Oh great, now I have 40 or so books, romance novels no less, written by snooki to look forward to when the library purchases them. And they WILL purchase them. Gotta keep those circulation statistics up you know.


itsmecissy said...

About EBbooks: they are gaining popularity. The latest survey I saw was that 32% of adults are likely to read an EBbook in the next year. Personally, I've tried them and don't like them (don't tell my Library Dean) but like it or not, they are the future, especially for educational purposes.

Imagine back in High School not having to lug 6 textbooks (one for each class period) around in your backback all day long. All your course lessons and books can be stored in an electronic device that weighs less than 2 pounds and is only 13.4 mm thick?

For sure EBook software providers need to continue to improve the readability and functionality of ebooks, while device makers (Kindle, the Nook, iPad) need to improve screen resolution (iPad is best of the three right now IMHO) and bring hardware costs down.

OMG, that's enough Shop Talk!

Anonymous said...

Thanks, Bob. I love being on your bench! I guess if I don't get a nibble from a "legitimate" publisher, I'll have to play the cleavage card. Where the hell I'm going to find cleavage I haven't figured out yet.

Robert Crane said...

oh baby itsme, it's goin' to be busy at the book check out counter once these must-have snooki-snores are available.

dbd - all ya need is the "bro" for the man cleaveage. i'll send ya shots of me in mine so you can judge for yourself. on second thought, i'll just keep that private in the event i decide to run for public office some day.