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Tuesday, September 11, 2007

384. the two missing commandments

when moses went to lift the stone tablet, it was too heavy.
he called upon god for some guidance, but god was long gone, working on a few pesky black holes causing a raucus in another part of the young galaxy.
so moses took matters into his own hands and decided to get rid of commandments eleven and twelve by knocking them off with his mighty hammer, thus making the tablet light enough to carry down the mountain top.

i know of this because of a text message i received from the almighty yesterday.

the truth is, god would have directed moses to use a smaller font.
but, as we now know, moses did what he did.

so god asked that i divulge the missing commandments.
they are:

11. thou shalt not cutteth in line
12. whenst two lines mergeth, thou shalt alternate into position with thy neighbor.

he also hinted that there might be an amendment to the “thou shall not kill” commandment providing exceptions in the case of those who do not follow commandments 11 and 12. he is working on the wording—it’s tricky.

i thanked him for the fine work, and told him that these commandments couldn't come soon enough in my book.
i also encouraged him to get that amendment out licketty split, and offered to help with the wordsmithing, something he texted back saying he'd take into consideration!

wow, how exciting the last twenty-four hours have turned out to be.

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