"if it's good news, it must be someone else's"

Saturday, January 17, 2009

272. viking in training

during my recent highlands' walks, i had an opportunity to meet and talk with ralph the viking.
he kept a pretty low profile because the vikings are pretty much at the top of the scotsman hate list (campbells soup and properly operating toilets being 2nd and 3rd).
apparently, for a bunch of centuries the vikings had a propensity to come down from norway to scotland on weekends and pillage willy-nilly until they had their fill.
then they returned home by monday to their day jobs, at which they’d compare ribald stories of plunder around the mead cooler.
anyway, one thing led to another, and ralph the viking offered to make me a viking in training, which appealed to my manly ways.
i was doing fine until i suggested that maybe the weekend pillage trips to scotland would be more comfortable if they added paisley upholstered cushions to the rowing benches.
he took the suggestion back to the council and came back to tell me i was on viking double secret probation.
he told me there might be bloodletting involved as some sort of test of manhood.
i told him i’d get back to him on this.
now i’m thinking that those horned helmets might not be all they’re cracked up to be, that maybe i’d be better off selling the paisley cushion idea to the french navy.
anyway, the viking spiked ball is clearly in my court.

No comments: