"if it's good news, it must be someone else's"

Thursday, June 11, 2020

Off the Top of My Head

I don't like people with last names that rhyme with rump.
The band Strawberry Alarm Clock was completely misunderstood.
If I have to wear a mask to a restaurant, how am I supposed to eat?
I don't understand the stock market, and I'm beginning to think no one understands the stock market.
Nudity at age 68 isn't all it's cracked up to be.
I know COVID-19 is driving us all nuts but my wife thinks she is a mermaid, so there is that to deal with too.
I'm willfully retweeting Joe Walsh tweets. I never saw that coming.
I don't know when it happened but someone stole my ass cheeks and hid them under my chin. Has that happened to you?
I have good reason to believe my dog is trans. I just wish she would talk to me about it.
I wonder if Sean Hannity's wife reached out to Melania Trump for marriage advice recently. It would explain a few things.
Using the phrase "circle around" should be stopped as soon as possible.
My parents are in a Senior Living Community and have been in lockdown for months. I'm concerned that there are knives in the apartment.
Sometimes I feel like a sheep in chicken's clothing.
Q has to be the dumbest letter in the alphabet.
Life would be so much easier if weeds were actually attractive.


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