We have a family of flying squirrels that have set up home in our attic. They are protected so we can't kill them … yet. So I've rigged a cage trap (that doesn't kill them) with peanut butter. The problem is the peanut butter is always gone and no flying squirrels. One night while I was sleeping, I had this dream about what those rascals might be up to.
Bob's dream:
Flying squirrel one: What do ya think? I mean it's definitely peanut butter but what's with the steel cage it's in?
Flying squirrel two: Don't know what to make of it. But I think it's a trap of some sort. That human man that walks around here in his underpants is tricky that way. Maybe we should sneak up when he's sleeping tonight and swoop down and bite his ass something silly.
Squirrel one: Ya mean that guy Bob? Yeah, he's trouble but dumb as tar. So what do you think about the peanut butter?Squirrel two: Scrumdiddlyumptious! It's worth it babe!
One: Worth it, for sure.
Two: I have an idea. Let's reach in with a stick and skewer it like a shish kebob.
One: I get shishke ... Bob! That's a funny one.
Two: Yeah. Boy he sure is a heap of human stupid to think we'd fall for this.
One: Heap of steamin' stupid, for sure!
Two: Ummm ... yummy! How's your's?
One: Lip smackin' yummy, for sure.
Two: We struck gold in this joint Archie!
One: For sure, Jimmy!
I awoke enlightened!
It's the only thing that explains why the bait is always gone but the trap untriggered. So I'm going to give it a try a few more times but and i'm gettin' pretty close to bringing in Sheldon Stimplehouse (a.k.a., grim squirrel reaper). He'll shoot their butts dead without thinking twice and eat them like satay to boot. He get's joy from it quite honestly. He's not what I'd call a normal man.
Soon it'll be no more mister have-a-heart trap nice guy!
