"if it's good news, it must be someone else's"

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

this must be my lucky day

i just got an email from john grisham.
oh yeah, the real john grisham because it came from lawyerchambers.com and that my friends is all the proof i need.

anyway, he apparently is back to lawyering, instead of book writing, and is trying his level best to carry out the wishes of someone in royalty who named me as benificiary to the tune of $15.2 million smackers.
and if you don't think so, just read his email below for your own no good doubting thomas bad self.

"dear friend, i wish to seek your conscent to present you as the beneficiary to the total sum of $15,200,000.00 USD in the intent of the deceased. i contacted you so that i can present you as the beneficiary to the inheritance before the crown claims it. all the papers will be processed in your acceptance. in your acceptance of this deal, i request that you kindly forward to us your letter of acceptance; your names in full, current telephone and a forwarding address to enable me file necessary documents at our high court probate division for the release of this sum of money.

yours faithfully, mr. john grisham"

that's what i'm talking about.
finally, my sowing seeds is about to harvest big rewards, just like that todd coontz preacher fella said it would.

hallelujah my brothers and sisters!

but one can't be too trusting these days because there are unsavory impostors out there just dying to take my money.

so .... my carefully worded response:

"dearest mr. grisham, while a trust herewhenst your sincerity, i dust worry of the apparition of truth. you ask for my names. as such i will give you one; sir ribald cranelegs. as you can see, i am royalty myself. well maybe not royalty as much as realty. my work at century 21 being legendary as it must be and hitherthree. you ask for my phone. i have none of which to speak into of. i prefer letters to communicate and in rare instances, smoke. and finally, you ask of my forwarding address. as i have none, i find this difficult and chilling to respond to but i will try. i have none.

finally, in this matter of the moolah, i have an acquaintance to whom you might forthwith it. but first i ned (not as in ned devine but as in need misspelled to throw off secret police who might be reading this) your prompt and thorough acknowledgement that you are who you say you are. it should be easy for you to tell me then the answer to my following security inquiry: is tom cruise gay?

personally, i don't think so but looking forward to your correct answer just the sameness.

again thank you for bringing to me what is rightfully someone elses.

your friend in seed sowing,

sir ribald cranelegs"

[everything is in place now for some major harvesting.
we shall see what we shall see, if i'm not struck down by a thunder bolt in the meantime]


itsmecissy said...

I just got that email this morning! Wouldn't be a kick if I copied YOUR response and emailed it back?

Robert Crane said...

oh please do!!!