i consider myself to be somewhat 'with it' when it comes to the internets and the www.
so it troubles me that i don't get these social networks like myface and spacebook and fritter.
i have tried spacebook for over a year and i have to tell you, it gives me a good case of the jimmy legs every time i log in.
first, why would i be interested in becoming friends now with every high school kid i grew up with who shook me down for lunch money back in the day?
that's why i liked the idea of having a wall at first.
you know, to keep the riff raff out.
instead, i've got pictures on this so called "wall" of their dumb babies burping up strained carrots or their poor dogs dressed up like derek jeter or their drunken asses plopped in a strained and frayed lawn chair.
and nothin' for nothin', there are no annie leibovitzes in this crowd.
what part of that is social networking?
it's "i'm going to overwhelm you with my underwhelming life", if it's anything.
and that's the stuff of jimmy legs i tell ya.
and what's with that fritter thing?
oh i can't wait to see what billy bankworth up the road is gonna do next.
fritter, billy, fritter for god's sake!
i can't take not knowin' much longer!
"i'm just watch judge judy. she best."
thank you billy for frittering in a barely coherent selection of words because i've been sitting here wondering just what was going to happen next, you big nut you!
and now i know.
and now i'm socially networked.
and now i can get on with my life.
don't get me wrong.
i love looking at 439 pictures of a baby's first step as much as the next guy, especially, and i mean especially, when it's the offspring of a girl who friended me even though thirty years ago she told me she'd rather be eaten alive by killer hamsters than be seen in public with the likes of me.
i guess over the course of three decades with no contact, she's gotten use to the idea of me.
don't get me wrong.
i love knowing what glenn beck or sarah palin is thinking about at any moment on the big issues challenging us in less than 140 characters as much as the next patriotic simpleton.
who has the time or intellectual inquisitiveness to engage in fully thought out and expressed ideas any more?
i think i speak for the american people when i say, i'd rather be eaten alive by killer hamsters.
you know what?
do get me wrong.
i just don't get it.
and now, if you don't mind, i have to shake off a rather robust round of the jimmies in the leggies.