benny said, hey bob, my pc picked up some sort of virus. you’re a pc guy. ya gotta fix it for me. dori needs it to finish her weekly christian inspiration letter. she’ll get acrimonious if it is broken, and that’s not a pretty sight.
i said, what did i tell ya about downloading porn.
he said, i’m done with that. dori dragged me off to a baptist retreat last time. no way i’m going back. i’ve been clean ever since.
i said, you know what you are?
he said, what?
i said, you are a porn again christian. that's what you are.
benny said, i'm not! i swear!
i said, you wanna swear? then swear on the lives of your children?
he said, i don’t have children.
i said, yeah, true. that’s a problem.
benny thought a moment and then said, okay, i swear on the lives of my ping golf clubs. i love them as if they were my own kids.
i said, but those are mine when you die. remember? it's in your will. i’m not jeopardizing them because you have a sickness. swear on something else. how about your flat screen tv?
benny said, no way! wait! i know! i'll swear on that secret porn dvd i have.
i thought, and you want me to believe you aren't porn again.
so I said, sounds good. now let’s pop the hood on that pc of yours, and see what’s doin’, shall we.
benny said, yeah, pop the hood, i like that talk.
and as i reached deep into my pocket for my trusty pc swiss army knife, i sighed relief, for the ping golf clubs benny willed me were safe once again.
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