"if it's good news, it must be someone else's"

Friday, May 29, 2009

886. people who describe stuff

it's a long story but keaton got us involved in scotch futures (buy a share of a barrel now and get four bottles in eight years).
it sounds kind of russian-mafia shakey to be honest, but we love a good, peaty scotch, so what the hey.
anyway, i think what sold keaton on the investment was the desciption of the young scotch, octomore, that is aging to become a future libation of the bob and keaton household.

the description: "intense smoke on the nose and palate, with notes of freshly tarred road, cigar smoke & ash, licorice root, bacon fat, kalamata olive & smoked seaweed. struggling to emerge are youthful orchard fruit, honeyed malt, brine & soft vanilla. long, smoky finish - like licking the walls of a peat-infused kiln. a very invigorating whisky. i think octomore will be very good in another 5 years, and amazing after another 10."

"freshly tarred road", "bacon fat", not just any old seaweed, "smoked seaweed", "licking the walls of a peat-infused kiln".
are you kdding me?
did we just invest in scotch or a lost hemingway manuscript?
who are these people who write these things?

i have just got to get me one of these jobs!

in fact, let me demonstrate my talent for such.

it just so happens that yesterday i bottled six cases of home brewed beer.
let me describe it to you.

"flirtatious vidalia sweetness to the nose and palate, with traces of musty floor dust, dried mouse bits, spilled coffee and freshly read sports page. Struggling to emerge are rare irish moss, really expensive hops and second choice grains. a long, pensive finish of earthy root—akin to chewing on rotted casket pine. i think this beer is somewhat drinkable today but will emerge to become a great compost emulsifier three weeks from now."

where do i sign the job offer?


lightly said...

i went a tour of van ryn 's and i meet one of those farts.
the way he spoke i thought i was in the wrong place, i was just there to buy a cheap bottle of brandy not the crown jewels. I sure this guy was prince charles butler in a previous life.
the difference between brandy and vinegar is one molecule and that molecule is the tour guide at the distiller.

Pam said...

lightly...I love those booze connoisseurs. My brother fancies himself as a wine expert and refuses to drink anything less $40 a bottle. So, I switched labels one evening(it wasn't easy) with one of my $7.99 bottles. He said, "See, isn't the $40 bottle so much better? Idiota. (I'm learning Spanish.)

lightly said...

pam here is a way to give brother a treat and he will think you a goddess. invite him to dinner and about 5 hours before dinner take a cheap bottle of wine $3.99 pour the contents into a wine decanter (that bottle like thing they serve wine in when your it in the pub/food joint)
make sure the decanter is topless ,place it in a warm room (don't ask) about an hour before dinner store it in the fridge. at dinner allow him to sniff it and spit it , tell him you didn't know that expensive wines taste so much better.

South african or Australian wines are the best even the cheap one's get great reviews