"if it's good news, it must be someone else's"

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

a feeling i hate

it just happened recently and i'm still not quite over it.

you know when you just get through with a rather productive potty session and you go for the toilet paper, but the roll is empty, and the backup is gone as well, and the closest replacement is in the linen closet down the hall, but the nearest human to help out is seventeen miles away, and the labrador retriever sleeping just outside the bathroom door really should be called a labrador retrieve-it-your-damn-selfer.
so you have no choice but to stand up ever so gingerly and shuffle as if in ankle shackles to the other side of the house.
but as you straighten up, there is a weird smush sensation between the buttock cheeks that can mean only one thing?

yeah, that feeling.
i really, really, really hate it.


supermom? said...

I think this one will have me chuckling at least for the whole day.

Question thought...if the dog was asleep just outside of the door...how did you not drop "a bomb" on him??

(by the way, I'm a friend of lightly's)

lightly said...

see bob i have friends, yes i'm shocked to, butt i would say you full of it but based on this post you may be less full of it.

now bob before you enter the throne room you should always take in reading material and i don't mean the laptop because when there is an emergency paper loss then you can use your own personal backup.
i would recommend its not playboy or hustler because that paper only makes the situation worse. (ok there is information i did not need to find out first hand)

funny how this situation happens mainly to the male species, that or we the only idiots prepared to talk about it.

supermom said...

lightly, males are the only ones that this kind of stuff happens to because you do not sit down every time you're in the throne room. Females tend to check these things each and every time to avoid disasters.... like ruining that special edition Playboy you bought last year.

Robert Crane said...

smush or no smush supes, it's the shuffling to the closet like i'm in a one-man chain gang that get's to me. i have to pass no less than three mirrors on the way and it's enough to make me want to crawl.

the dog just lays there like a lump.

and lightly, i think supes just might be an imaginary friend but i'm willing to entertain your fantasy. nothin' personal supes, it's just that we are talkin' lighty here.

supermom said...

poor poor Rob, mirrors aren't your friend at the best of times, let alone when you're shuffling and clenching... i hope you clench at least.

ps - imaginary is an understatement.

itsmecissy said...

That's why you should always check the toilet paper holder BEFORE going potty. This will eliminate that "smush sensation" every time.

supermom said...

itsme, how many times have you had to remind a man to do that??? I know i've stopped counting.

lightly said...

women women women if only you knew.

men like to live on the edge, checking for poop paper is so girly.

and to be honest with you , men design it so the spare stuff is miles from current location, we find it a challenge to run down the hallway half naked and looking like a total ass.

supermom said...

and you wonder why Bob thinks I'm all in your imagination...

itsmecissy said...

supermom - that's why me and Mr. itsme have separate bathrooms!

Oh, and I started buying ice cubes (crushed ice really) because you-know-who couldn't refill the trays!

And no more tubed toothpaste . . . man oh man, don't get me started!!!!


supermom said...

itsme - I bow down to you oh patient woman.

itsmecissy said...

yeah supermom, and it took me 33 years to get him trained the way I wanted (and I'm sure he did a little re-training of me also - hehe)

And btw, I ADORE Vancouver, especially the rain.

Wait, lightly has friends???

supermom said...

lightly has friends, however we are slightly more on the imaginary side than one would hope.

33 years is a long time itsme... thankfully i'm a young thing and have the time to spare =P

lightly said...

and this bob is what bring our people to the table.

poop and politics also a good conversation starter.

hey wait i think i have been insulted by everyone, except pam

yeh i know randy was just waiting for an opening

itsmecissy said...

Ahhhh, lightly, we wouldn't tease you so much if we didn't like you!

Anyway, we're going on a birding trip so I won't be back until Monday. Everyone have a great weekend and leave the light on for me.


Pam said...

lightly, I wouldn't think of insulting you. Besides, I always have hay that falls out of my jean pantlegs when I uncuff them after I get home from the barn. I save the hay in a wastebasket and use it when the TP runs out. I'm very resourceful you know. That's what happens when NY is the highest taxed state in the union. Ya gotta be resourceful.

Randy Johnson said...

“randy” …“waiting for an opening”? Oh no lightly, you guys don’t need my sentiments on this one. This post is already mushier than a Hallmark Card. I’ll just stay down here ‘till the coast is clear.

“Clean up on aisle two …in front of the greeting cards!”