"if it's good news, it must be someone else's"

Friday, May 9, 2008

551. a call to the police

cranelegs pond, which sits on a vacant lot (as in no trespassing vacant), has become the hangout of marauding bands of teen boys recently.
so we're talking trespassing.
after a few nights in a row of young men screaming profanities at each other in bud light induced revelry, enough was enough.
the pond was under a pollution siege of algorian proportions.
so i called the police—the last time was to report a pack of what appeared to be, wild poodles.
i said, hello, my name is bob and i live next to cranelegs pond.
the man said, i'm lieutenant miller. your address please.
i said, that's not important, because i'm not complaining.
so he said, then why ya callin?
and i said, because i think your patrol should happen by cranelegs pond. it's on private, vacant land you know.
and he said, yeah, we know.
there was a probing policeman's pause.
then he asked, why would we want to happen by there?
and i said, well, maybe there are beer drinkin', pot smokin' punks there. not that i know for sure.
so he said, i see bob.
and i said, that's not my name.
and then i hung up.

when i told keaton about this, she looked out the window, her eyes as vacant as cranelegs pond.
then she muttered, you're scary.
i said, that's exactly what i want those kids to think.
she shook her head and went upstairs.
and i thought, i better reign in the macho a tad. i suppose it's pretty overwhelming stuff to the uninitiated.


Wamblings said...

*agrees with Keaton* :P

bob said...


another one in awe of my man skills.

Keaton's Mom said...

Just plant lots of poison ivy...you can kill it all off when the hoodlums have had enough!! So take that!!!