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Thursday, March 1, 2007

The Nine Lives Generation

I was watching another depressing segment on some all-news channel, when the subject of milk came up. If you haven’t heard, milk is poison.

That’s it. I really should be dead by now. It’s a wonder anyone from the Sixties is alive today to talk about the bad old days. I’m beginning to think it is the generation with nine lives. I mean let’s go through the list already.

1. Metal appointed dashboards, brakes that required two zip codes to stop a car in, and no seatbelts.
2. Carbon monoxide smoke outdoors and second-hand, unfiltered, cigarette smoke indoors—all the time and everywhere.
3. Live rock concerts whose volumes reached sonic boom proportions from opening screaming guitar chord to the encore’s squealing long English ending.
4. Meat. Meat byproducts. Meat products made from meat byproducts. Six days a week.
5. Asbestos everywhere. I use to chip off pieces from the insulation around the basement pipes to chew on when bazooka bubble gum wasn’t available.
6. Kids were encouraged to roam freely within a square mile of the neighborhood. In fact, kids were specifically instructed by parents to “get lost”, as they were shoved out the front door.
7. Dental procedures. As a reward, my dentist use to give me a jumbo jawbreaker after reconstructing each decaying tooth in a nice mercury-based, silver finish. Of course, the rot was located by x-rays that could penetrate six inch steel, and render a wild mustang impotent in one pulse.
8. No helmets for anything other than football and space missions (and even then it was optional).
9. Milk, eggs, Wonder Bread, and butter!

[And we worry about baby boomers emptying the social security coffers!]

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