i learned at a recent family gathering that when i was two years old, mom invited the local kids over to feed me at lunch time.
they’d take turns shoveling a spoonful of applesauce into my mouth.
i’d munch away making blissful wooing noises until gone, and then my disposition would turn sour, whimpering into a panicked scream, only to be silenced by the next kid up.
apparently i was quite the entertainment value.
but the scars run deep my friends.
i still hide slices of beef under my mashed potatoes today, an eating disorder that i'm sure is related to this somehow.
i’ve since reported my mother's behavior to the authorities in the event she should have another child.
however, when i told her this, she just "whatevered" me.
well, it won't be "whatever" when you're up the river, sister!