i have vegetable magnetism

keaton said, i have a crush on ralph fiennes. he's so dreamy.
i said, who?
keaton said, ralph fiennes. he's that international movie star.
i said, you mean, the constant gardener guy?
keaton said, yeah.
i asked, what does that mean really? that you have a crush on him?
keaton said, can't explain it. it's like pure animal attraction.
i asked, do you have a crush on me?
she said, never. you're different.
i asked, how so?
she said, well, i look at you as a long term project, requiring more than just a jump the bones sort of thing.
i said, i see.
keaton said, besides, i think of him as just a good looking piece of meat.
then i said, well what do you think of me?
keaton said, i think of you as a vegetable mostly and coming from a vegan, that's steaming.
i said, well as long as i'm not brussel sprouts, i guess that's okay.
keatons said, oh you're a hot cauldron of cauliflower honey.
i said, okay, that sounds pretty good..
and then i whipped off my clothes exposing all my cauliflower for her to behold.
keaton said, what are you doing?
i said, revealing my vegetable magnetism.
then she said, why don't you leave the magnetism to animals?
i said, fine.
and she said, that would be fiennes, as in ralph fiennes.