"if it's good news, it must be someone else's"

Sunday, May 15, 2011

the flying squirrel conversation

flying squirrel one: what do ya think? i mean it's definitely peanut butter but what's with the steel cage it's in?
flying squirrel two: don't know what to make of it. but i think it's a trap of some sort. that human man that walks around here in his underpants is tricky that way. maybe we should sneak up when he's sleeping tonight and swoop down and bite his ass something silly.
squirrel one: ya mean that guy called bob? yeah, he's trouble but dumb as tar. so what do you think about the peanut butter?
squirrel two: scrumdiddlyumptious! it's worth it babe!
one: worth it, for sure.
two: i have an idea. let's reach in with a stick and skewer it like a shish kebab.
one: i get shishke ... bob! that's a funny one.
two: yeah. boy he sure is a heap of human stupid to think we'd fall for this.
one: heap of stupid, for sure!
two: ummm ... yummy! how's your side?
one: lip smackin' yummy, for sure.
two: we struck gold in this joint archie!
one: for sure, jimmy!

so that's what i imagine goes on in the attic while i sleep.
it's the only thing that explains why the bait is always gone but the trap untriggered.
and i'm gettin' pretty close to bringing in sheldon stimplehouse (a.k.a., grim squirrel reaper).
he'll shoot their butts dead without thinking twice and eat them like satay to boot.
he get's joy from it quite honestly.
he's not what i'd call a normal man.

oh well, i'm going to give this peanut butter trap one more week.
and if they aren't caught, it's curtains for them.
i tell ya, curtains!
no more mister hav-a-heart-trap nice guy!

1 comment:

Pamela Beers. said...

I have a great squirrel recipe. Honest.